I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
