I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
