if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
