My nipple is on Facebook.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
