i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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