At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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