Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
