you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
