We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
