so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
