come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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