Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
