U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
