I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize