Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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