i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
