My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
