Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
