I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
