shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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