Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
