matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
