my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
