You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
