told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
