Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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