dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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