3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
