pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize