Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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