im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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