So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Mom said you looked used
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
