How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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