I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You need a sexual gate keeper
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
