Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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