i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
