Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Randomize
