Pants 0. Shit 1.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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