If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
