She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
