u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
