No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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