we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
