I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
