Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
