I'm gonna have a badass scar
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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