you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
