You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
