So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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