I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
