I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
