guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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