Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize