I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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