hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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