Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
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