somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
