did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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