This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
