Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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