I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
