i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
