That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
