Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
