Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
